i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
