He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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