i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
