You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
