I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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