you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize