He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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