i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
