I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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