I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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