i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She's just so happy...and so naked.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
