my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize