so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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