Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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