Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
