If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
