why didn't you poke me back
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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