Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize