My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can't put those talents on a resume
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think people are normalizing furries
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
