it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
