I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
