did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
