Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
