It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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