I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
