toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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