Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
