I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
