oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
