Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
