im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
