he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
