If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
