I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize