So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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