So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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