talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
