No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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