She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
