why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
