I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
