i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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