The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
look no pants
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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