She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
