I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
