I like to think it a success when the cops are called
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
