We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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