She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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