Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
