Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
