weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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