3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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