plz talk dirty to me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize