I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
