My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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