he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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