Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
