its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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