Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
