listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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