Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
