dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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