I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
When are your genitals available?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I currently don't understand fingers.
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