thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
