I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
