You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
