My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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