I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
