There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
