Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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