If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
