i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
