One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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