Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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