I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
