We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
